Best Humor |
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of
your life. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll
have to catch up. (this is A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Change is inevitable....except from vending machines. A fool and his money are soon partying. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route. The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?" Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle. I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle. I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out. I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it. I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today." I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job." My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments. |